Something I’ve Written For My Grandma’s Service

First off, I want to begin by saying, I know Religion is a touchy thing for most people… And most don’t talk too much about it in group settings… At least in my experience. Is a Blog a ‘Group Setting’? Well, kinda, and kinda not, Lol That said, I have absolutely no idea if there is a God, but I know that it was part of who my Grandma is, and so I have included the subject loosely in this Document.

Nuff said, to the Piece;

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“You Are Our Sky”

by James Mahoney

Grandma… And I know you can hear me. Because if there wasn’t a Heaven before, there surely is one now, made, and waiting, just for you.

I might recommend you let the big guy win a hand or two once in a while, at that card table in the sky.

We miss you… You know we do. There is no denying the Love, Admiration and Joy we feel for you.

You are Our Sky.

You always have been… And inside I always knew, that there is, and will only be, one person in this world that is you.

Your Laugh…

The most sincere thing that one will ever hear, and/or know.

You got it Grandma. You got this whole Life, and Mortality thing.

The Peace that would wash over me when you spoke of God, or any other Particular of this existence of ours.

You got it. You understood, and all I could do is sit back, my heart open, and hope for high amounts of osmosis to let this peace in.

Though that is much more technical sounding that it really was.

I just knew, that every moment spent with you, was a moment with the Greatest Woman, and Purest Human that I would ever know.

You and Margie’s Reign has laid forth the background of my world growing up.

To me, the two of you weren’t just two women battling for who could get their voices pitch to go higher. Though to this day, I could not tell you who would win such a contest.

No… As I recently told my mom, you and Margie were more of an Era, than just two sisters raising, and/or being with one another’s families.

The Rice’s must Love you… And how can they not. I suspect you are a Piece of every one of their Skies as well.

Truth be known, putting what you are into words, to anyone of us, is practically an impossible things to do.

There is Great Peace in the knowing that you spent 92 years on this planet with us.

There is Great Peace in knowing that you did not seem to suffer at the end of your life.

There are an insurmountable amount of memories to keep us company when we miss you from time to time… And we shall miss you from time to time.

Some much more than that.

I will end with this.

Jack was a Lucky man…

He knew what he was doing when he unabashedly pursued you until you finally gave in.

And Loved him until the end of time.

I know you still do.

And Thank you for Bringing Patrick into this world, one of the Most Amazing, Beautiful Life Filled Entities, and People I have ever known.

He is My Godfather, and the First Hero in my life. And ever will be.

The Closeness of you and Sonny… The Racetrack… Your Breakfasts together which I only recently found out about. I’m not sure a Mother and Son could be closer than you two.

He will miss you terrible I suspect. He Truly Deserved your Love, he is a Great man. And an Amazing Family Man, which means so much to this Family I believe.

And Most of all, thank you for My Mother… My Best friend for life.

The Most Beautiful Woman, and Person I’ve ever known…

Right next to you.

God Bless Grandma, We Love you

James-

For Madison

This is for Madison… A Life Cut Way, Way too soon.

For Madison

There’s no Rhyme or Reason for a Life Taken while young

No words, that will make it better…

No Deeper Meaning

Or Higher truth…

Tragedy is what it is

Tragedy in its Purest Form…

We the one’s that Loved her

Are left behind…

With but Memories of her Smile

Her eyes…

Her Face

How can we explain

How Unfair this really is…

She had so much more to Live

So much more to Give…

In a World sometimes dark

And desperate for shards of Light…

One Young Girl’s Friendship

Gave More Meaning to this Life…

To those that Knew Madison, I Wish you all the Warmth, and Love that this world has to offer… To help you move beyond this… To help you Remember Her Beauty… Her Friendship… Her Vitality. I Never had the Opportunity to Meet her, but from what I’ve Heard, and Seen, She was something Special, and will be Missed by those that knew her.

James Mahoney-

PICTURE CREDIT – Face Avatar

Hank Grady

Hank Grady

by DarkJade

Cleveland Ohio

A Graveyard

Hank Grady, a 70 something year old man, stands at the back of a group of people attending an outside burial service.

His hair once blond, now silver, he’s wearing a long grey wool coat, and a soft black scarf.

Forty five of Susan’s closest friends had shown up to her service.

Wow, I never realized she knew so many people.

After being trapped in that marriage for some 22 years, where she basically wasn’t able to have friends, or her husband Budd would find someway to use it against her… And the beatings would begin again.

Of course if I knew that was going on all those years, I would have intervened.

Or would I have…

Anyway, it’s hard to believe that in the last five years of her life, those precious five years after she finally left Budd, she was able to make as many friends as all this.

But she was nice.

Hank reaches up and presses a few of his fingers against the soft black scarf around his neck.

In all the years I’ve lived in Cleveland, I can’t say I’ve ever worn a scarf…

But as soon as I arrived here today, Susan’s Granddaughter, Margarette, ran up and handed it to me.

I never had any kids of my own… No time.

I spent 40 some odd years in the Health Insurance game.

It wasn’t all that exciting but… it was a living.

And I’ve been married not three, but four times.

But they’re all gone now.

Not dead… Well… One of them did pass from the Big C last year.

Betty.

But what I mean is, they’re no longer in my life.

Which is strange… As I still love each of them as I did when we spent time together.

Life is strange.

Or maybe not.

Maybe I’m the odd one.

The services come to an end, and people slowly depart, some of them shaking Hank’s hand as they pass.

He notes Susan’s Grandchildren getting into a family car with her eldest son, Bob.

Bob waves.

Hank waves back.

Once all have left, Hank wanders over to the grave site where his Sister Susan has been lowered into, and buried.

He looks down at the ground, looking at the tombstone plate cement slab on the ground.

Here Lays Susan Bella Grady

Daughter of Joe and Barbi Grady

Mother of Bob, and Justin Grady

Grandmother of Margarette, Bethany, and Chelsey Grady

Sister of Hank Grady

1946-2013

Strange that she passed before me.

Sometimes I wonder if I just happened to get lucky on the gene pool side of things.

Hank turns and walks towards a convertible car.

I mean, sure I’ve had my share of health issues… but here I am… and she is not.

Hank reaches into his right hand jacket pocket, and brings out a pair of keys.

As he reaches to stick them in the convertible’s door, he stops.

I don’t own a convertible.

Ten Minutes Later

Hank’s Brown Sedan

Hank is sitting at a green light.

HONK!

The car behind him’s horn wakes him from his daze, he steps slowly on the gas, and continues onto a freeway on ramp.

I’ve probably driven on this freeway 10,000 times… It passes right by Bob’s house.

And yet I’ve probably spent a total of four or five times with Susan’s Grand Kids.

I mean… They’re not my Grand Kids… But I am their Grand Uncle… If there is such a thing.

What’s so great about selling insurance, that I didn’t make room in my life to see those kids.

Or Bob or Justin for that matter.

Justin…

I think he’s still in rehab.

All that drinking…

I imagine those boys got there share of beatings from Budd as well…

If I only knew…

I still probably wouldn’t have done anything.

They weren’t my kids… Right? That’s a nice lame excuse I used for 40 years.

I think I’m done with that lame excuse.

Hank picks up his cell phone and dials Bob.

“Hi Bob… It’s your Uncle Hank… Yeah… Yeah.”

Hank pulls into a driveway of a small home, gets out, and goes into the house… Still talking to Bob as he goes.

“Listen, Bob… What are the chances I can pull Margarette, Bethany, and Chelsey out of school tomorrow… Take them to a park… And maybe lunch… Or a movie?” asks Hank as he takes off his long coat, and turns on his t.v.

“I’m retired now, my schedule is open… I’d like to see them… Then maybe you and Elizabeth for dinner afterwards.”

“Yeah… Yeah… Sounds good… I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning then… Yeah… Love you too.”

Hank takes a beer out of the fridge, and sits in front of the t.v.

“I need to sell this house,” he speaks as he turns the t.v. onto the golf channel.

DarkJade-

 

 

I Need/Want A New Computer

I Need/Want A New Computer

There she is… Ain’t she a Beut, Lol Ok, ok, so maybe she’s aimed at more of a Gamer, Visually that is… But inside, she’s got exactly what I need (We’re talken about a Computer here, right?)

The truth is, the way Technology is, I basically need a New Computer every 2 to 3 years…

Why? Well, a couple reasons… One, I basically use a Computer like 12 hours a day… So, I really put a beating on one, so to speak.

Two, the fact is this Laptop is not able to support some of the things I Need, and Want to do.

Yes, for social reasons, I do want the ability to play an Occasional Online Multi-Player Video Game… Which this Laptop can no longer support, as Video Games these days are Very Demanding on Graphics Cards.

But that’s not the only reason I Want/Need one… I also want to get a Desktop, as you get more Bang for your Buck, you just lose the Mobility Aspect, which I haven’t needed all that much as of late. Plus I’ll still have this one if I need it, for Writing away from home.

I also Follow Several Podcasts, and may be Doing Some Myself, and this thing will definitely not support it…

Yes, it’s actually overheated a few times, which is new… Fact is, she’s just Tired I think, Lol I’ve Warn her out. (Still talken about a Computer, Lol)

Unfortunately, any extra money I have I just threw at my Editing (Which by the way is at an Outstanding Price), and my Admin. Job with the Architect has been a bit slow.

My Dad is a Mortgage Broker, and I was talking to him just a bit ago, letting him know if he needs any Admin./Marketing done, I’m his man, Lol He says if I know anyone in California, or Arizona that is paying anywhere near 6% on their Mortgage, to send him his way… He can save them a lot of money. Or at least some, Lol

So if you’re in California, or Arizona, let me know, My Dad works with a guy in Arizona that is Awesome… He did a couple of my Mom’s Refi’s a few years back.

I’ve also got My Books;

Published Works

I Died Once – Novella;
(Published August/September, 2012)

Available From CreateSpace, Amazon.com & As An Ebook for Kinde & PC

CreateSpace

$4.95

“I Died Once” @ CreateSpace
Amazon.com

“I Died Once” @ Amazon.com

Kindle & PC

$1.99

“I Died Once” (Kindle & PC)

If You Don’t Have A Kindle Don’t Threat There’s Free PC And Other Reading Apps Here Free Kindle

Winter, Lust, And Wonder (Black Cover, Purple Font Edition); (Published March, 2012)

CreateSpace

$5.00

Black Cover Edition

Amazon.com;

Black Cover Amazon Edition

Winter, Lust, And Wonder – Volume 1 of My Poetry Books, Written Within My “The Written Word” Blog. (Published January, 2012)

Available From CreateSpace and Amazon.com

CreateSpace

$5.00

Maroon

Navy Blue

Dark Green

Orange Yellow

Lavender

Yellow

Amazon.com

Maroon

Kindle & PC

$.99

Winter, Lust, And Wonder (Kindle & PC)

If You Don’t Have A Kindle Don’t Threat There’s Free PC And Other Reading Apps Here Free Kindle Reading Apps

White Jade Comic Book;
(Published January, 2012)

$2.95

White Jade 8 Page Partial Comic

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Though I would need to Sell a Bunch of them, every little bit helps, Lol

So if you need to Refi, or need some Admin. Work done online, let me know… Or Would Like to Order any of these Books, Go For It!

And know you this, you shall be Helping Ensure that This Artist’s Technology is being Kept Up To Snuff, Lol

Hope you’re all having a Great Weekend

DarkJade-

Relevant

Relevant

Doubt Creeps in…

The Rain falls harder tonight

Trying to keep inspired…

Is there someone out there that really cares

I Crack the window…

Cool air seeps in

The Scent of Moonlight Strikes my Senses…

I let you in

Candles lit…

But the coolness covers your fire

I step slowly around the room…

You Mirror me in white

Our Eyes Lock, but do you see…

I Reach out, but find only Phantoms

The Floor Cracks…

I Fall through

Falling…

This Blackness, with Crooked Green Light

I stop Struggling…

It wraps me Tighter

But it can not hold me…

For I have Wings of Fire

And Blood Electric…

I Rise softly now

Leaving only Tears that fall below me…

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – Brush In Hand

A Conversation With Trauma (Part 2)

A Conversation With Trauma

(Part Two)*

*Make sure to Read Part One First

And so 2002 me had made a surprise appearance, and was going to testify on my behalf.

“Let us begin,” speaks Justice me.

“What would you say was your emotional state when you arrived in Eugene, Oregon?” inquires Perspective me.

“Well, it was a mix of things… Mostly I was excited, having just gotten married a couple of months prior to arriving… Also, we had a little place waiting for us, something our brother had lined up… But, we were tight on funds, as 9/11 had hit a few months prior to us arriving, which caused some difficulties getting some temp jobs right before we came… And as it turned out, it also caused us issues getting new jobs in Eugene,” explains 2002 me.

“Hadn’t you been warned by your wife’s father that Eugene had a terrible economy as well?” adds Cautious me.

“Yes… Yes we had… But, we needed to get out of the state, partially to break my wife away from her relationship with her mom, which had become a bit too close… And that coupled with the fact that my brother wanted me to come so we could work on films, it just felt like a good thing… Not to mention, my wife was going to be trying to get a job in her field, which could have taken us as far as New York, should she land a position… So we didn’t plan on staying in Eugene all that long… We just figured it would break us away from California, and her mom… And also give me an opportunity to work on some Film Projects with my bro,” 2002 me explains.

“I see,” responds Cautious me, as he writes down some notes.

“And quickly the money issues began?” asks Justice me.

“Yes… We had some wedding money, but that got used up very quickly… We then tried to find jobs for several months, me through temp agencies, and my wife from the paper… But what we didn’t realize was 9/11 had caused a lot of companies to put a freeze on ‘special project’ jobs, which is what they needed temp employees for… Which made it very hard for us to find employment,” 2002 explains.

“And then you filed for unemployment?” inquires perspective me.

“Yes… It wasn’t an easy thing for either of us to do, as neither of us had ever done so… But as it ends up, when you change states, it’s like losing a job, and so we were both able to file unemployment from California, even though we had moved to Eugene, Oregon. But that wasn’t really enough money… And so we also ended up having to get the equivalent of food stamps from the State of Oregon, something else we had never done.” 2002 further explains.

“And in addition to all of this, your brother didn’t have time to work on Films with you?” inquires Perspective me.

“No… As it turns out, even though he had pushed for my wife and I to move there so we could work on Short Films to submit to Film Festivals, he in fact was having major marital issues, and basically had no time to work on Films,” 2002 me replies.

“I see… And when did you ask your father for money, so that you could get back on your medicines?” asks Justice me.

“Within the first month or two, but he got very angry with me, as at the time he was having money issues himself, and when I hung up with him, I wrote him a 50 page letter… Which I never sent… I just didn’t feel like hitting him with all of the things he had done that made our relationship over the years almost impossible… I just, let it go,” explains 2002 me.

“And why didn’t you apply for State Medical Assistance in Oregon?” asks Cautious me.

“Well… By that point, I was so down from the way my dad spoke to me, and the fact that we couldn’t get jobs and were on food stamps… And collecting unemployment… And the whole reason we moved there was to make Films, which my brother didn’t have time to do… I just couldn’t cope with the idea of leaning on Oregon to take care of my medical health as well… I’d been independent all my life, worked since I was 15, supported myself 15 years… I think I just started to shut down emotionally… And all of this landing on top of a brand new marriage… Frankly, it just sucked, Lol and I was super depressed,” continues 2002 me.

“What happened next?” asks Perspective me.

“Well, out of frustration I Wrote a 5 Minute Short Film, and asked my bro if he had an hour he could spare… He did, and I went with my wife over to his house, and basically Filmed a 5 minute Film in around an hour… I then spent the night Editing the Film, for something like 8-12 hours, submitted it into a Film Festival in New York, and got it in… Also during that period, when my Wife was out of town trying to land a position in her field, I Wrote an 80 Page Feature Film Screenplay… And I also Wrote a Play,” 2002 explains.

“So in the midst of all these trial and tribulations, you stayed on course with pursuing your dream to be a Film Maker…” states Justice me.

“Yeah, I mean, you have to realize, not only was I Inspired, and Driven, but My Wife was 100% supportive, and was just great to be with, relationship wise that is,” 2002 explains.

“Then what happened?” asked Perspective me.

“Well, after being in Eugene Oregon three or four months, my brother decided to move out of state, as he found an employment opportunity that blew away his late shift, low paying job. I was happy for him, but also upset, as he had talked my wife and I to move to Eugene, and then was leaving Eugene… And on top of that, he never really had time to work on Film, and my wife and I were basically in financial ruin from the whole venture,” explains 2002.

“Hmm… Devastating,” interjects Cautious me. Justice me and Perspective me take note of Cautious me’s reaction.

“So my bro left town, and my wife felt too embarrassed to move back to California… So we stayed for a few more months… I even worked at a McDonalds for like five weeks just to get us some cash when we finally decided to leave the State,” concludes 2002 me.

“And then you get back to California, a few months later your wife leaves the relationship, and you get a five to six week flu that puts you in the hospital, and you finally get back on your meds?” asks Justice me.

“That’s right… I was in the hospital for 10 days… And the Doctors lectured me for getting off my meds, but, I just didn’t have the money, and couldn’t deal with getting on ‘State Medical Care’ in Oregon,” 2002 me finishes.

TO BE CONTINUED

A Conversation With Trauma (Part One)

A Conversation With Trauma

(Part One)

A Courtroom in my Mind…

Somewhere I have not been since early 2002, when I Charged Myself with ‘Being Depressed, When I Had No Right To Be’

Of course, in the end, I was Found Innocent by myself.

That part of me was a Kindly Fellow as it turned out… Poignant… But wise.

But I would not be so fortunate today… No.

In fact, rather than one Judge, and a hand full of Convincing Selves, with the Feel of the Judges in the 1978 Superman Movie…

I would instead have Three of Me behind the Desk of Justice.

And many, many Self Witnesses.

The First behind the Desk is ‘Perspective’ me… Trying to keep things Balanced I suspect.

The Second is ‘Cautious’ me… Just in case.

And the last is ‘Justice’ Me. Appropriate I think.

I take a seat facing the Desk of Justice, wearing a backwards, White, New York Met’s Baseball Hat… My Brother knows I’m a Yankees Fan, but he thought it looked cool, and so sent it to me.

My orange Dark Horse Comic’s Adidas Tennis Shoes… A Collectors Item, which happen to be the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned. So I wear them, instead of letting them sit in a box.

Blue Jeans, because I Love Blue Jeans… And a white tshirt, underneath a dark blue Thermal Shirt.

First to the stand are both 1995, and 1996 me… Wow, haven’t seen them in a while.

They both sit, and look a bit anxious. Especially 1995 me.

“Which of you was first told about the accused medical condition?” asks Justice.

“Well… That’s it your Honor… It might have been me, or it might have been 1995,” speaks 1996 me.

“Very well… How did the accused deal with the news?” further asks Justice.

“Well… That part I remember… It was as if the emotional part of himself floated away into the stars… While the physical part of him had to stay and listen… Also, his girlfriend started crying profusely… I think it was a bit much for her… But mostly just scared her.”

“And what was the outcome of this condition?” inquired Perspective me.

“Well, actually, it ended up being ok. The first method they tried, had no result… But the second had outlandish success, making even the normally ‘monotone’ Doctor’s Voice Raise in celebration… So to speak.” explains 1996.

“Thank you 1996, and 1995, you may return to your seats,” speaks Justice… Meanwhile ‘Cautious’ me seems to be taking several notes.

Suddenly to my surprise, 1998 me comes in to the courtyard, followed by four different girls that I liked during that year… Man that was a good year… Not because of the girls, that was a bit confusing… No… But 1998 was when I was making good money at that Orthopedic Brace Company, and had just gotten out of a very difficult long relationship… I ended up Buying a Brand New Purple Mexican Strat Fender Guitar, and starting a Band… I bought My Black Jeep… I bought a Computer… Not that I’m a material guy, but it was a good year, and I had been supporting two people for so long, suddenly I actually had some extra money.

I wonder why 1998 me is here?

“1998, could you step up here,” requested Justice me.

“Sure,” 1998 replied, and stepped up and sat before the Desk of Justice.

“1998, we’d like to hear your opinion of the accused during 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002,” speaks perspective me.

“Uh… Ok… 1999 got his heart smashed pretty good… And that, coupled with the fact that he was fried of his job, caused him to leave his employment… Where the heart breaker also worked.” explains 1998 me.

“Would you say the heartache was the main reason for leaving?” inquires perspective me.

“Uh… Not exactly… He was completely fried on that job before they started to date, then they dated and he was reinvigorated, then when they parted, he decided enough was enough… But I’d say the main reason was he felt it was finally time to pursue his Dream of Film Making,” concludes 1998 me.

“I see,” responds perspective me as he scribbles down several notes.

“And 2000?” questions Justice me.

“Ah, now 2000 he had a good go of it… He moved near his brother, and bought a Video Camera… From there he spent the next 9 months working on Experimental Film Projects… He was a pretty satisfied guy at this point… He didn’t have much money, but he was pursuing his Dream, so everyday felt like a good day,” replies 1998 me.

“He also met the girl he would end up marrying in 2001 that year… Which was a great day… Even though they only stayed married a year,” 1998 concludes.

“2001 he continued working on experimental Film Projects with his girlfriend (who he’d marry in October 2001), but towards the end of 2001, he was so broke, that he had to let go of his Medical Insurance… And thus stopped taking the medicine that had helped his 1995-96 condition,” he explains.

“I see…” responds Cautious Me. “And yet he kept the Jeep with the High Payment?”

“Yeah… Well… It was a Lease… And frankly, he had no other way of getting another car,” replies 1998 me.

“I see…” responds Cautious me, as he scribbles down some notes.

“And 2002?” asks Justice me, but just as he does, 2002 me steps into the chambers.

“I’d like to speak for myself, if that’s alright,” speaks 2002 me.

A palpable murmur fills the courtroom, but it is allowed.

1998 me returns to his seat, and gives 2002 me a slap on the shoulder, “Don’t let em corner you man… You had a rough go of it.”

2002 me nods in response, then makes his way before the Desk of Justice.

“Let me have it… I’m ready for yah!” speaks 2002 me.

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – Sad Boy

TO BE CONTINUED…

Escape

Escape

Have you ever felt like you want to Escape the one’s you Love…

The Things you Love

Is it Possible to Feel Too Much…

To Care too much

What is it to be Reborn in some White Light…

In a Far Away Land

Surrounded by Blue Waters of Light…

Warm… White Sands slip between your fingers

Your Eyes go black…

The Skies Darken

Ravens Fill The Night…

The Air is much too Warm

Fires Surround you…

You Scream

But only Silence Comes…

Tears of Red

Why can’t we just disappear…

Pretend we don’t care

Live in the Clouds…

Castles

Knights…

Dragons

Escape…

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – For Glory

Nostalgia Storm

Nostalgia Storm

Midnight comes around twice…

But I shouldn’t be surprised

I Wake up screaming…

Blood-light in your eyes

Will we weather the storm…

And when I say we…

I mean I

Our Dark ship set sail under Moonlight…

Wind of Change at our back

I Close my eyes and chose Direction…

Morning would Distract

But when I opened my eyes…

What did I see

The same Ocean Sky…

Staring back at me

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – Storm On The Sea

Windblown

 

Windblown

Like a Solitary object

Built to withstand a storm…

I stand here waiting

Facing the Unknown…

Sometimes I sing to myself

To help the hours go by…

Valuing every moment

Never questioning why…

Beauty all around us

Eyes Wide Shut…

Sounds Grace our senses

Why walk when you can strut…

Life offers Pespectives

To help us change our views…

Simply Embrace the best

It’s Closer than you Knew…

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – Blowing Wind