A Conversation With Trauma (Part One)


A Conversation With Trauma

(Part One)

A Courtroom in my Mind…

Somewhere I have not been since early 2002, when I Charged Myself with ‘Being Depressed, When I Had No Right To Be’

Of course, in the end, I was Found Innocent by myself.

That part of me was a Kindly Fellow as it turned out… Poignant… But wise.

But I would not be so fortunate today… No.

In fact, rather than one Judge, and a hand full of Convincing Selves, with the Feel of the Judges in the 1978 Superman Movie…

the-most-memorable-comic-book-movie-villains-20081209030835598-000I would instead have Three of Me behind the Desk of Justice.

And many, many Self Witnesses.

The First behind the Desk is ‘Perspective’ me… Trying to keep things Balanced I suspect.

The Second is ‘Cautious’ me… Just in case.

And the last is ‘Justice’ Me. Appropriate I think.

I take a seat facing the Desk of Justice, wearing a backwards, White, New York Met’s Baseball Hat… My Brother knows I’m a Yankees Fan, but he thought it looked cool, and so sent it to me.

My orange Dark Horse Comic’s Adidas Tennis Shoes… A Collectors Item, which happen to be the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned. So I wear them, instead of letting them sit in a box.

Blue Jeans, because I Love Blue Jeans… And a white tshirt, underneath a dark blue Thermal Shirt.

First to the stand are both 1995, and 1996 me… Wow, haven’t seen them in a while.

They both sit, and look a bit anxious. Especially 1995 me.

“Which of you was first told about the accused medical condition?” asks Justice.

“Well… That’s it your Honor… It might have been me, or it might have been 1995,” speaks 1996 me.

“Very well… How did the accused deal with the news?” further asks Justice.

“Well… That part I remember… It was as if the emotional part of himself floated away into the stars… While the physical part of him had to stay and listen… Also, his girlfriend started crying profusely… I think it was a bit much for her… But mostly just scared her.”

“And what was the outcome of this condition?” inquired Perspective me.

“Well, actually, it ended up being ok. The first method they tried, had no result… But the second had outlandish success, making even the normally ‘monotone’ Doctor’s Voice Raise in celebration… So to speak.” explains 1996.

“Thank you 1996, and 1995, you may return to your seats,” speaks Justice… Meanwhile ‘Cautious’ me seems to be taking several notes.

Suddenly to my surprise, 1998 me comes in to the courtyard, followed by four different girls that I liked during that year… Man that was a good year… Not because of the girls, that was a bit confusing… No… But 1998 was when I was making good money at that Orthopedic Brace Company, and had just gotten out of a very difficult long relationship… I ended up Buying a Brand New Purple Mexican Strat Fender Guitar, and starting a Band… I bought My Black Jeep… I bought a Computer… Not that I’m a material guy, but it was a good year, and I had been supporting two people for so long, suddenly I actually had some extra money.

I wonder why 1998 me is here?

“1998, could you step up here,” requested Justice me.

“Sure,” 1998 replied, and stepped up and sat before the Desk of Justice.

“1998, we’d like to hear your opinion of the accused during 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002,” speaks perspective me.

“Uh… Ok… 1999 got his heart smashed pretty good… And that, coupled with the fact that he was fried of his job, caused him to leave his employment… Where the heart breaker also worked.” explains 1998 me.

“Would you say the heartache was the main reason for leaving?” inquires perspective me.

“Uh… Not exactly… He was completely fried on that job before they started to date, then they dated and he was reinvigorated, then when they parted, he decided enough was enough… But I’d say the main reason was he felt it was finally time to pursue his Dream of Film Making,” concludes 1998 me.

“I see,” responds perspective me as he scribbles down several notes.

“And 2000?” questions Justice me.

“Ah, now 2000 he had a good go of it… He moved near his brother, and bought a Video Camera… From there he spent the next 9 months working on Experimental Film Projects… He was a pretty satisfied guy at this point… He didn’t have much money, but he was pursuing his Dream, so everyday felt like a good day,” replies 1998 me.

“He also met the girl he would end up marrying in 2001 that year… Which was a great day… Even though they only stayed married a year,” 1998 concludes.

“2001 he continued working on experimental Film Projects with his girlfriend (who he’d marry in October 2001), but towards the end of 2001, he was so broke, that he had to let go of his Medical Insurance… And thus stopped taking the medicine that had helped his 1995-96 condition,” he explains.

“I see…” responds Cautious Me. “And yet he kept the Jeep with the High Payment?”

“Yeah… Well… It was a Lease… And frankly, he had no other way of getting another car,” replies 1998 me.

“I see…” responds Cautious me, as he scribbles down some notes.

“And 2002?” asks Justice me, but just as he does, 2002 me steps into the chambers.

“I’d like to speak for myself, if that’s alright,” speaks 2002 me.

A palpable murmur fills the courtroom, but it is allowed.

1998 me returns to his seat, and gives 2002 me a slap on the shoulder, “Don’t let em corner you man… You had a rough go of it.”

2002 me nods in response, then makes his way before the Desk of Justice.

“Let me have it… I’m ready for yah!” speaks 2002 me.




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