A Conversation With Trauma (Part 2)

traumaA Conversation With Trauma

(Part Two)*

*Make sure to Read Part One First

And so 2002 me had made a surprise appearance, and was going to testify on my behalf.

“Let us begin,” speaks Justice me.

“What would you say was your emotional state when you arrived in Eugene, Oregon?” inquires Perspective me.

“Well, it was a mix of things… Mostly I was excited, having just gotten married a couple of months prior to arriving… Also, we had a little place waiting for us, something our brother had lined up… But, we were tight on funds, as 9/11 had hit a few months prior to us arriving, which caused some difficulties getting some temp jobs right before we came… And as it turned out, it also caused us issues getting new jobs in Eugene,” explains 2002 me.

“Hadn’t you been warned by your wife’s father that Eugene had a terrible economy as well?” adds Cautious me.

“Yes… Yes we had… But, we needed to get out of the state, partially to break my wife away from her relationship with her mom, which had become a bit too close… And that coupled with the fact that my brother wanted me to come so we could work on films, it just felt like a good thing… Not to mention, my wife was going to be trying to get a job in her field, which could have taken us as far as New York, should she land a position… So we didn’t plan on staying in Eugene all that long… We just figured it would break us away from California, and her mom… And also give me an opportunity to work on some Film Projects with my bro,” 2002 me explains.

“I see,” responds Cautious me, as he writes down some notes.

“And quickly the money issues began?” asks Justice me.

“Yes… We had some wedding money, but that got used up very quickly… We then tried to find jobs for several months, me through temp agencies, and my wife from the paper… But what we didn’t realize was 9/11 had caused a lot of companies to put a freeze on ‘special project’ jobs, which is what they needed temp employees for… Which made it very hard for us to find employment,” 2002 explains.

“And then you filed for unemployment?” inquires perspective me.

“Yes… It wasn’t an easy thing for either of us to do, as neither of us had ever done so… But as it ends up, when you change states, it’s like losing a job, and so we were both able to file unemployment from California, even though we had moved to Eugene, Oregon. But that wasn’t really enough money… And so we also ended up having to get the equivalent of food stamps from the State of Oregon, something else we had never done.” 2002 further explains.

“And in addition to all of this, your brother didn’t have time to work on Films with you?” inquires Perspective me.

“No… As it turns out, even though he had pushed for my wife and I to move there so we could work on Short Films to submit to Film Festivals, he in fact was having major marital issues, and basically had no time to work on Films,” 2002 me replies.

“I see… And when did you ask your father for money, so that you could get back on your medicines?” asks Justice me.

“Within the first month or two, but he got very angry with me, as at the time he was having money issues himself, and when I hung up with him, I wrote him a 50 page letter… Which I never sent… I just didn’t feel like hitting him with all of the things he had done that made our relationship over the years almost impossible… I just, let it go,” explains 2002 me.

“And why didn’t you apply for State Medical Assistance in Oregon?” asks Cautious me.

“Well… By that point, I was so down from the way my dad spoke to me, and the fact that we couldn’t get jobs and were on food stamps… And collecting unemployment… And the whole reason we moved there was to make Films, which my brother didn’t have time to do… I just couldn’t cope with the idea of leaning on Oregon to take care of my medical health as well… I’d been independent all my life, worked since I was 15, supported myself 15 years… I think I just started to shut down emotionally… And all of this landing on top of a brand new marriage… Frankly, it just sucked, Lol and I was super depressed,” continues 2002 me.

“What happened next?” asks Perspective me.

“Well, out of frustration I Wrote a 5 Minute Short Film, and asked my bro if he had an hour he could spare… He did, and I went with my wife over to his house, and basically Filmed a 5 minute Film in around an hour… I then spent the night Editing the Film, for something like 8-12 hours, submitted it into a Film Festival in New York, and got it in… Also during that period, when my Wife was out of town trying to land a position in her field, I Wrote an 80 Page Feature Film Screenplay… And I also Wrote a Play,” 2002 explains.

“So in the midst of all these trial and tribulations, you stayed on course with pursuing your dream to be a Film Maker…” states Justice me.

“Yeah, I mean, you have to realize, not only was I Inspired, and Driven, but My Wife was 100% supportive, and was just great to be with, relationship wise that is,” 2002 explains.

“Then what happened?” asked Perspective me.

“Well, after being in Eugene Oregon three or four months, my brother decided to move out of state, as he found an employment opportunity that blew away his late shift, low paying job. I was happy for him, but also upset, as he had talked my wife and I to move to Eugene, and then was leaving Eugene… And on top of that, he never really had time to work on Film, and my wife and I were basically in financial ruin from the whole venture,” explains 2002.

“Hmm… Devastating,” interjects Cautious me. Justice me and Perspective me take note of Cautious me’s reaction.

“So my bro left town, and my wife felt too embarrassed to move back to California… So we stayed for a few more months… I even worked at a McDonalds for like five weeks just to get us some cash when we finally decided to leave the State,” concludes 2002 me.

“And then you get back to California, a few months later your wife leaves the relationship, and you get a five to six week flu that puts you in the hospital, and you finally get back on your meds?” asks Justice me.

“That’s right… I was in the hospital for 10 days… And the Doctors lectured me for getting off my meds, but, I just didn’t have the money, and couldn’t deal with getting on ‘State Medical Care’ in Oregon,” 2002 me finishes.


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