Allure Chapters 1-3 Review And Reply

Vampire 3“Allure” Chapters 1-3 Review And Reply

Though “Chess With Agatha” is still on hold, my good friend Beth has begun Reviewing and Line Editing Book One of the first draft of my My Vampire Novella Series, “Allure”.

Some of you may have been following me when I Posted My Review and Replies of “Chess With Agatha”… If not, I’ve put the Links to them below.

“Chess With Agatha” First Draft Review & Reply – Part 1

“Chess With Agatha” First Draft Review & Reply – Part 2

“Chess With Agatha” First Draft Review & Reply – Part 3

Basically Beth tells me what she likes, and what she would like to see more of in my Stories First Drafts.

I’m hoping the First Novella of the “Allure” Series will be Self Published sometime after August this year.

So without further ado, the First of the Review and Replies from “Allure”.

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“Allure”

by DarkJade-

 

Chapter One – Daisy Arram

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth – * I love vampires, so I’m really enjoying this story. 🙂

DarkJade – “I’ve always Loved Vampires, but have never written a story designated to them. Though there is a Vampire in my Fantasy Novel “Chess With Agatha”, he is not the main character in the piece.”

Beth – * I also really like the excerpt of the other story at the start of the chapter. I remember from reading this the first time through that it gives a lot of insight into what happened with her mother. A very nice touch.

DarkJade – “Thank you. I’m glad that you like it… I think that it adds some depth to the whole thing, especially since the story itself was originally written as a Blog Series, and thus there is a kind of Serial Liteness to it… I feel the extra depth from the Excerpts will help it translate better into a Novella.”

———————————————————————-

~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth – * Maybe describe a little of what this man she’s following did? You don’t have to go into gory detail about the massacre, but at this point the reader doesn’t know he’s a vampire (lol, I do just because I’ve read it already), so you can mislead the reader a little bit. Get their mind thinking towards serial killer, so they’ll be more surprised when they realize he’s a vampire. You can describe through their reaction – showing their disgust/fear/horror/etc.

DarkJade – “I will consider that when I go to do the 2nd Draft.”

———————————————————————–

Chapter Two – No Invitation Needed

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth – * You have an impressive vampire villain. 🙂

DarkJade- “Thank you, I really like him.”

Beth – * I like that Arram is so determined and tough. I love strong female leads.

DarkJade – “I like strong Female Leads as well.”

——————————————————————————————

~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth * Maybe mention as she’s heading into the house why she would take someone to back her up who’s so scared, and doesn’t seem to want to be there? Maybe mention that she knows underneath it all she can always rely on him to come through for her, or that they’ve been friends forever and he’s always been someone she could depend on. Or maybe he has his own reasons for wanting to go after this guy, despite his obvious fear? Why does he want to be there? Just to protect her? What are his motives for helping, especially since he’s so scared?

DarkJade – “I’ll check that out as well.”

———————————————————————————————

Chapter Three – Uncle Tom

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth * I’m liking the dynamic between Arram and Seth. She’s kinda the tough leader, and he’s the quirky sidekick. 🙂

 DarkJade – “I like it as well.”

~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth * Maybe have Arram and Seth consider why the vampire didn’t kill him? The vampire had him, and Arram couldn’t have stopped him at that point, so why did he spare Seth? Is this some part of his humanity shining through? Part of what Arram’s mom loved about him? This may be a good thing to bring up later – especially if this vampire is somehow redeemable? At this point in the story, he seems like the villain, but I remember that as I get further into the story it doesn’t always feel like that’s the case. This could be a very good hook here if you give it a little more emphasis. 🙂 I’ll make sure to point out in later chapters where I start feeling like he may not be the main villain.

DarkJade – “There are definitely reasons why he didn’t kill Seth, beyond what Arram’s mom loved in him… But that is also there as well. I’ll check this out as well.”

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I hope this was enjoyable for all of you… As Beth supplies me with more Chapter Reviews, I’ll continue to post more Reviews and Replies.

Thanks for your support.

DarkJade-

BOOKS BY JAMES MAHONEY (DARKJADE)

Published Works

I Died Once – Novella;
(Published August/September, 2012)

Available From CreateSpace, Amazon.com & As An Ebook for Kinde & PC

CreateSpace

$4.95

“I Died Once” @ CreateSpace
Amazon.com

“I Died Once” @ Amazon.com

Kindle & PC

$1.99

“I Died Once” (Kindle & PC)

If You Don’t Have A Kindle Don’t Threat There’s Free PC And Other Reading Apps Here Free Kindle

 

Winter, Lust, And Wonder (Black Cover, Purple Font Edition); (Published March, 2012)

CreateSpace

$5.00

Black Cover Edition

Amazon.com;

Black Cover Amazon Edition

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One Response to “Allure Chapters 1-3 Review And Reply”

  1. Reblogged this on Legends Undying and commented:
    Beth is unable to Post today, and thus I shall share with you a Post from My Writing Blog, “The Written Word”. DJ-

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