Allure Chapters 7-9 Review And Reply

thumbnail.aspxAllure Chapters 7-9 Review And Reply

Onward we go.

Beth’s Review, and My Replies, to Chapters 7-9 of the First Draft of the first of my upcoming Vampire Novella Series, “Allure”.

Here’s the Previous Reviews and Replies in case you missed them;

Allure Chapters 1-3 Review And Reply

Allure Chapters 4-6 Review And Reply

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“Allure”

by DarkJade

Chapter Seven – Guest With No Breath

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth – * I’m glad Roy is back in the picture in this chapter. 🙂

DarkJade – “Roy’s not going anywhere, Lol He’s a natural born hunter, and he is relentless.”

Beth – * I also really like the action in this chapter.

DarkJade – “It’s one of my Favorite Chapters, and Scenes. Was kind of hoping to spook the readers a bit in this chapter. The quiet, prior to the action, yah know.”

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~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth – * Be careful of changing tenses from present to past, then back to present.

DarkJade – “Ah yes, I’m really loose with that with my First Drafts… It will be fixed before Self Publishing.”

Beth – * Also be careful with your use of ‘speaks’ instead of ‘says.’ ‘Says’ and ‘said’ are used so often in writing that they become almost invisible, which gives emphasis to any other words you choose to use to describe a character’s voice or tone – speak, shout, scream, whine, mumble, growl, etc. If other words are used too often, it can change or slow down the flow, which could make the reader pause.

DarkJade – “Thanks for that, I’ll check it out.”

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Chapter Eight – Wolf, Man… Vampire

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth – * I like the action in this chapter as well.

DarkJade – “Ah, yeah, good exit sequence.”

* Yaaaay! I’m glad they’re all working together now. 🙂

DarkJade – “Yup, Arram just needs to grow up a bit, which she does quick. Roy’s a serious asset.”

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~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth – * If you want to, you could expand on your vampire lore here, or maybe a little later. It’s cool and different that your vampires can summon zombies – which is a great lead into how your vampires may be a little different than other writer’s versions. 🙂

DarkJade – “I’ll have to check that out… I do like to bring info. in slowly, but in all honesty, this story hasn’t been fully fleshed out yet… So, I’ll have to be mindful of this.”

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Chapter Nine – The Escape

~ What I Like So Far:

Beth – * Lol, I totally agree with Seth! 😄 I want to see La Fon and his love happy. Very good job getting me caught up in this.

DarkJade – “Lol… I’m with Seth as well, Lol. And thank you.”

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~ What I’d Like To See More On:

Beth – * Be careful of changing POV here – going from third person (an unknown narrator – he, she, they) to first person (the character narrating – I, we). Showing the character’s thoughts in italics is good, but be careful not to switch to the character narrating if your story is in third person.

DarkJade – “Thanks… Yeah, I’ll be all over that once I work with an Editor.”

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One Response to “Allure Chapters 7-9 Review And Reply”

  1. Reblogged this on Legends Undying and commented:
    Chapter’s 7-9 Review And Reply from My upcoming Vampire Novella Series, “Allure”. Sorry for Posting on your day Paige… The rest of the day is all yours, Lol

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