I Need A Father

Beach_father_and_his_children_prints_oil_painting_on_c_002I Need A Father

Only took 46 years to figure that one out

As I sit here in the mist of a rebirth into a larger life

I’ve come to the realization that I could have really used a dad in my life

Don’t get me wrong, my biological father is still around

And he is a great man

But he wasn’t around when I was a kid (the same house that is), and in his case, it was better for me

Because he was a bit lost

Also, I did grow up around a great man, that being my mom’s boyfriend

But he’s only been a dad in a kinda of learn by example kind of way

Meaning, he wasn’t allowed to parent us, per my mom’s wishes

No other men were

But because he’s such a great, and amazing man, there was a very profound affect on me growing up around him

Still

This isn’t what I’m talking about

When I think now of what I would have liked a father to be

I would have liked a man who spent time with me

Talked to me… Showed things to me

Loved, and got to know me

Someone I could emmulate

Though I do emulate aspects from both my Dad, and my mom’s boyfriend

I think I would have liked to have a father like me

I love kids, I always have

And I’ve always spoke, and listened to them as though they are people

Not just little monsters that make too much noise in restaurants

I also realize, that they are not adults… And so look to you for guidance

Be it directly, or through osmosis

As I breakthrough this current situation in my life

And look to grow and expand my life again

I find myself wishing that I had a dad that would take my arm as I make it to my feet

Dust off my shoulders

And take a walk with me

tumblr_lgippgtBd71qdgtrro1_500But not just now, I wish I had always had that

I draw a lot of my strength from who I am

And from my mother

Who is an amazing woman

But she could have used having her father around a bit longer as well

He passed soon after I was born

In the end, we have to parent ourselves

And that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing my whole life

But still

in moments like this

I could use a boost

(found out a few years back that my dad and I share favorite beatle albums)

DarkJade-

PICTURE CREDIT – Father & Son

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