Archive for the Love Category

Shadows Of Beauty

Posted in Life, Love, Poem, Poetry, Writing on March 15, 2017 by darkjade68

dec24c5db91376dfbb1dee415b6bea92

Shadows Of Beauty

I am Lucky for you…

Luck… Faith… Hope

I Try hard it’s true…

Broken be I

I haven’t given up hope…

Life is Beautiful

Even in solitude

PICTURE CREDIT – Rose

DarkJade-

Rain

Posted in Love, Poem, Poetry, Writing on November 21, 2016 by darkjade68

rain

RAIN

Let me start again…

I miss you

Close my eyes…

Shed my skin…

Will not Remiss you

For love I cry…

For love I try

The truth it’s hard…

To be alive

To stay in stride…

Without our Dreams by our side

Why..

When what you love is so clear

What is yours…

What is dear

I am Home

Cry

Posted in Life, Loss, Love, Poem, Poetry, Writing with tags , , on May 5, 2016 by darkjade68

nature-crying-boy-in-rain-251302

Cry

How do I do this…

I think I’ve figured it out

Everyone left me…

I learned to live without

Could it really be this simple

I’ve got everything to live for…

But Nothing left to gain

I just want to feel important…

Important enough to stay

For

I’ve Relied on no one…

Cried lonely in the dark

Hid under tables…

Well my life fell apart

She comforted me with Love…

Fleeting as it was

The Stars from above…

Are not the ones to blame

I’m so damn Lonely…

The kind that makes you Cry

But no one else told me…

The Answer lay inside

Things have been different now

The weight of a thousand chains…

My Heart dragged under…

This Perfect Dark enclave

The Light comes up…

The Skies Clear…

The birds… They sing

I am

Elevated

The truth is…

I am not alone

Some they stay forever…

Some I’ve always known

This Darkness that has surrounded me…

Is removed

And displaced…

There Is Hope…

In my resolve

That nothing ever changes…

Except everything

Changes

I am not alone…

In this Dark… Dark… rain

PICTURE CREDIT- Nature Crying

dArKjAdE-

Maverick… What I’ve Learned So Far

Posted in Blog, Film, Film Making, James Mahoney, Life, Love, Writing on March 17, 2016 by darkjade68

gl

Maverick… What I’ve Learned So Far

divorce

DIVORCE

My First Memories As A Kid Were In A House Other Than The One I Spent The Majority Of My Childhood In… I Remember A Birthday Party, Where I Was Being Sung To, As I Shyly Face And Stomach Down Laid Upon A Large Beach Ball…

I Remember My Walk To Kindergarten On Day One Scaring The Living Daylights Out Of Me

Separating From My Mom

I Remember Sitting On Top Of A Red Ant Hill… Which Hurt, lol

I Remember Our Neighbors Turtle

I Remember Eating Paste In School, Followed By 2 Milks And 2 Cookies (When We Were Only Allowed 1 Of Each), Getting Sick, And Being Walked To The Nurse By The Girl I Had A Crush On

Somewhere In There I Determined That Someday I Wanted To Find The ‘One’… Crazy Little Romantic Kid I Guess

I Don’t Have Any Memories Of My Dad, Or My Sisters At That House… Only My Mom Walking Me To School, And/Or The One Time In My Life She Hit Me, Causing My Nose To Bleed, Which Freaked Me Out As I Thought My Face Was Bleeding, lol

Bad Day For Mom, As She Is Definitely Not The Type Of Person Who Hit Her Kids

I Have Vague Memories Of My 15 Month Younger Brother… Playing One Of Those Hockey Games… I Remember Making A Jekyll And Hide Model… With A Crazy Mutant Rabbit Who Had Gone All ‘Hyde’

Apparently My Mom And Dad Separated At This House At Some Point… But I Don’t Remember Any Of That

childhood

CHILDHOOD

Then We Moved To An Amazing Canyon Area, Where My Dad And Mom Gave It A Go Again…

But That Didn’t Work, And I Was Glad He Left… Even At The Age Of 5, I Didn’t Think They Were A Good Match

Beyond That, My Memories Of My First Older Sister, Were Her Being Upset A Lot… At Us Sometimes, For Using Her Stuffed Animals When She Wasn’t Home, But Mostly She Seemed Upset At Mom… Either Way, She Wasn’t Around Much

And My Eldest Sister, I’m Not Sure I Have Any Memories Of Her Being Home At All… She Met A Boy In High School, And Stayed With Him For 15 Or So Years

And So It Was My Brother, My Mom And I Growing Up… As Well As My Mom’s Boyfriend, Who Is Still With Her Till This Day

Mom Was Sad A Lot, But Did Lots Of Therapy, And Worked Hard To Keep Us Fed And Safe…

Dad Paid Child Support, And Alimony, But For The Most Part When He’d Come Take Us To Dinner, He Would Just Tell Us We Should Go To School… As My Brother And I Missed A Lot Of It

So Much So, That Each Of Us Stayed Back Grades Purely Because Of Attendance

But Beyond The Sadness That We All Felt, And Beyond The Torturous Days At School…

My Brother And I Had An Immensely Imaginative Childhood

We Literally Played Hundreds, And Hundreds, And Hundreds Of Hours Of First Stuffed Animals, Then Little Men, Then Action Figures All The Way Through The Ages Of 12-14, Or Something Like That

sw

STAR WARS

In 1977 We Saw The First “Star Wars” Film, And Both Of Our Lives Were Changed… Followed Up By “The Empire Strikes Back” In 1980

At This Point I Realized Somewhere Inside Me, I Wanted To Be A Director/Filmmaker

growing-up-2-1024x540-900x475

GROWING UP

When I Was 15, I Was Beyond Depressed… And The One Thing That Really Gave Me Much Of Any Happiness, Playing With My Brother, Had Faded To A Degree, As We Were Becoming Teenagers, And Instead We Fought More Than Ever…

That Coupled With The Last Year Of Junior High, Which Was Horrid, And I Decided To Make A Change

Dad Had Offered Us To Live With Him In Arizona (Where He Had Remarried) For Several Years, And My Brother Kept Saying He Was Going To, Then Backing Out

So When Dad Brought It Up When I was 15, In Addition To My Brother Saying He’d Like To Go Again, For The First Time, I Said I’d Like To Go

We Had A Family Therapy Session With My Mom’s Counselor, And Decided That I Would Go, Since I Had Never Shown Any Interest Before

This Was The Year That My Brother And I Got The Opportunity To Separate, And Come Into Our Own

He Became Stylish, And Cool… Dying His Hair, Buying ‘New Wave’ Clothing…

And I Started To Stop Hating My Looks, And Instead Accept Them, Go To School, And Suck Up All The Structure Around Me, As My Mom’s House Was Kind Of Rule/Structure-less

But At The End Of 9th Grade, Which I Was In At My Dads, I Missed My Mom, My Brother And My Mom’s Boyfriend, So I Moved Back Home

numb

THE NUMBNESS

Sadly, From The Age Of 17 To Really The Age Of 28 I Was Pretty Numb

I Got A Job At 22 That Ended Up Leading To Making A Good Living, But I Also Decided To Begin Pursuing My Passion For Directing/Film Making, Only To Be Given An Ultimatum By The Person I Was Involved With, Who Was The First Person I Had Really Been In A Relationship With

She Basically Said If I Pursued Anything In The Film Industry, She’d Leave

And So Being Inexperienced As I Was In Love, And Life, I Agreed

And Thus From 22-28 I Went Further And Further Into A Kind Of Grey Numbness

The Relationship Died, And My Passion Was Displaced

freedom

LIBERTY OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT 1998

In 1997 I Joined A Production Of “Hamlet”, And Found Passion Again

Sadly, While I Was At Rehearsals, The Person I Was With Was Beginning A Long Distance Relationship, Unbeknownst To Me Of Course

And In 1998, She Moved Out, And Suddenly, I Was Free

First I Purchased An Electric Guitar, And Began A Band With One Of My “Hamlet” Cast Members…

But Within 9 Months, I Decided To Walk Away From The Decent Paying Corporate America Job, And Finally Pursue My Greatest Passion…

afba17b09efd61e8f9dad616fdc35fe002f548c0-620-350-0-28-546-3101

FILM MAKING

In 2000, I Moved To Eugene Oregon, Where My Brother Was Living With His First Born Boy, And His Wife

During The 7 Months Being There, I Purchased A Hi-8 Video Camera, And Began Writing/Directing & Producing Many Experimental Film/Video Projects

This Is When I Realized I Wasn’t Just A Director, I Was Also A Writer

In July 2000 I Moved Back To California, Where I Wrote And Developed A Sci-Fi Teleplay (Television Screenplay), But My Bro Talked Me Into Moving Back To Eugene Oregon To Work On Short Films… And So I Moved Back

Sadly, His Marriage Was Falling Apart, And He Wasn’t Really Available To Pursue Projects With Me

In A Last Ditch Effort, Prior To Him Moving From Oregon Just 3 Months After I Got There, I Wrote, Shot And Edited My First Short Film

“If Not Now…”

Keep In Mind, I Shot This In An Hour And A Half, So It’s A Bit Rough… But Overall I Was Happy With It, And So Submitted It To A New York International Independent Film Festival, And Got It In

During This Time I Also Wrote A Play (My First), As Well As A First Draft Of A Feature Film Screenplay (White Jade)

Soon My Bro Would Move Out Of State For A Better Job, And I Was Left With The Need To Move Back To California

Though That Situation Became Very Difficult, It Was A Bit Fruitful In Regards To My Film Making And Writing…

In September Of 2002 I Flew With  My Dad To New York For The Film Festival, And Saw My Short Film Up On A Big Screen

It Changed Me Completely…

I Was A Filmmaker

ptsd

TRAUMA

Sadly In November Of 2002, I Got Very Sick (Had A Flu For Over A Month), And That, Coupled With The Fact That I Had Gotten Off Some Important Medicine Due To Being Broke And Insurance-less, Lead To Me Ending Up In A Hospital For 10 Days

My Heart Had Gotten Very Weak, Which Lead Me To Having A Device Implanted Called A Defibrillator, With The Purpose Of Protecting Me…

Sadly, After Having A Heart Doctor Flip Out During A Visit, I Stopped Going To See Him… And Thus Didn’t Realize That I Needed Regular Visits To Adjust The Defibrillator

In 2003 My Health Returned To Me, And I Started To Develop My Next Film In Arizona Whilst Living With My Musician Step Brother

Sadly Once Again, Because My Heart Got Stronger, It Caused The Defibrillator To Zap Me (Kind Of Like Those Paramedic Paddles) 8 Times In A 24 Hour Period, Which Completely Traumatized Me… It’s Because, As It Turned Out, I Was Supposed To Be Having The Defibrulator Adjusted As My Heart Got Stronger, So That It Wouldn’t Do That…

And I’ve Been Dealing With Varying Degrees Of Anxiety Ever Since

Anxiety mental health symbol isolated on white. Mental disorder icon design

ANXIETY

From 2003 Up Until Now, I’ve Been Dealing With What Appears To Have Been A Degree Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Maybe Not Quite Like The People Who Have Seen Military Action, But Still

From 2003 To 2008, I Was Always Afraid That The Defibrillator Was Going To Zap Me…

Which Made My Quality Of Life Not So Good… I Was Very Stressed When I’d Go Out… Always Taking My Pulse

And Then The Battery In The Device Finally Died (My Heart Is Strong, So I Decided Not To Replace The Battery)… But Instead Of Being Set Free From The Fear Of Being Zapped, I Had Then Developed A Fear Of Anxiety Itself

And That’s What I’ve Been Dealing With Since

In 2004 I Lived With My Brother In His New Location For A Few Months, But Kept Having Anxiety Attacks

And So I Basically Stayed In For The Most Part From 2004-2010

During This Time I Became A New York Yankee Fan (Playing Baseball Was My Earliest Dream, But Never Pursued It)

Familiarized Myself With Old Movies (Classics, Not Current)

Reconnected With Music (When I Was 16 Was The Only Time I Really Owned Much Music)

And Played 5 Years Of World Of Warcraft, lol

In 2010 I Finally Started To Go Out Some, But Was Still Stressed

And In 2011 I Started This Blog, And Began Developing My Creative Writing

writing

WRITING

On This Blog I Wrote Poetry, Blog Stories (Episode-ic), Fantasy Novels, Novellas And Much More

In 2012 I Self Published An 8 Page Partial Comic Book Based On My “White Jade” Screenplay, Which I Wrote Back In 2002 (First Draft), And Completed In 2004-5

White Jade Cover Book 1

White Jade Comic

I Also Self Published A Poetry BookA Cover (Maroon) - Winter Lust and Wonder Promo Image

“Winter, Lust, And Wonder” Printed Version @ Amazon

&

Kindle Version @ Amazon

I Died Once Cover

As Well As My First Novella

“I Died Once” Printed Version @ Amazon

&

Kindle Version @ Amazon

Mady Cover2

My Follow Up Novella “Mady’s Storm” Though Originally Written During That Time, Was Edited And Self Published At The End Of Last Year

“Mady’s Storm” Printed @ Amazon

But After A Year And A Half Of Writing, I Needed A Break, And Decided It Was Time To Try Integrate My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Into My Day To Day Life…

Instead Of Not Talking To Anyone About It/Avoiding It

IMG_20160127_144934_1

LOVE

That’s When I Met My Soon To Be Best Friend Online, And A Couple Years Later, We Got Together

lp6

LEGENDS PRODUCTIONS

And At The End Of Last Year I Decided To Return To Film Making Via YouTube (It’s Inexpensive And Accessible)

Enter, “Legends Productions” My YouTube Video/Film Production Company

lp2

YouTube Channel

Blog

Facebook Page

Twitter @LegendsProd

INSTAGRAM @legendsproductions

Web Page

& Email jameslegendsproductions@gmail.com

And After That Came

wj

WHITE JADE WEB SERIES

 YouTube Channel

Twitter @WhiteJadeSeries

INSTAGRAM @whitejadewebseries

whitejadewebseries@gmail.com

“White Jade” Constructing A Vision Video

Which Is Currently In PreProduction

leaving-the-house-

GOING OUT

About A Month Or So Ago, I Started Going Out 3 or 4 Times A Week

I’m Not 100% At All, But At Least I’m Not Home All Of The Time

life

WHAT I’VE LEARNED SO FAR

1 –  Follow Your Dreams If At All Possible

2 – Follow Your Heart

3 – Don’t Take Time Or People For Granted

4 – Life Is Long But Every Moment Is Precious

5 – Don’t Waste Time Or Energy On Regret

6 – Do The Things You Love

7 – Be With The People You Love

8 – Get Counselling If You Need It (Change, Breaking Patterns, And Forgiveness Whether Of Others Or Yourself Can Be Very Difficult, And Paralyze You In Life)

9 – Do What Makes You Happy, Not What Others Think You Should Do

10 – Strive For Balance In All Things

11 – Don’t Be A Victim (Of Your Past, Or Present… This Includes People, And/Or Situations That Make You Feel Like One)

12 – This Is Your One Life As This Person… Rebirths Or Not… Embrace Who And What You Are Now

13 – Remember To Breath (Many People Hardly Breath, Pay Attention To How You’re Breathing… It Will Bring You Better Health, And More Peace In Your Life)

14 – Be In A Healthy Environment (This Includes Where You Go, Work, Live… And Who You Have Around You)

15 – Live One Day At A Time (Planning And/Or Goals Are Helpful, But Spend Most Of Your Time Being In The Present With Life… With Yourself… And With Those That You Love)

16 – Depression Means You’re Living In The Past… Anxiety Means You’re Living In The Future… Be In The Present

17 – Age Is Just A Number… Quit Finding Things To Use As Excuses For Not Growing And/Or Progressing As A Person… You’re Missing Out On A Lot

18 – Family Is Huge… Whether It’s The People You Were Born Into… Or The Family That You Create Along The Way Via Friends Etc.

19 – Love Of Course Is The Answer, lol

Thanks For Listening

dArKjAdE-

Merry Christmas

Posted in Christmas, Holiday, Love with tags on December 24, 2015 by darkjade68

MerryChristmas

Life Can Be Difficult…

Don’t Let It Slow You Down

Dream Seek…

Recognize Those That Truly Love You

Appreciate Those People…

Tell And Show Those People

Remember To Take A Deep Breath Once In A While…

Even Now Is Fine

Keep Your Eyes Open…

This Is A Time Of Joy…

But Also For Memory

Beware Of Those That Might Be Suffering Silently…

And Encourage Them

Let Them Know That You See Them…

That You Hear Them

Enjoy The Holiday And All That It Might Mean To You

And If Nothing Else, Enjoy The Lights

The Warmth Of Those Who It Does Mean Something To…

And Beyond All, Enjoy The Love

And/Or Be That Love

Merry Christmas

dArKjAdE-

Love Is…

Posted in Love, Music, Poetry with tags on May 17, 2015 by darkjade68

rose2Love Is…

Hope

electric-blue-flower-abstract-beautiful-black-blue-cerulean-blossomLove Is…

A Second Chance

roseLove Is…

A Dream

7371569824281ececd2c5125fb2b3f8dLove Is…

Whatever You Let It Be

dArKjAdE-

PICTURE CREDIT – Sfondo, Electric, Beauty, Pinterest

One

Posted in Love, Poem, Poetry with tags on March 4, 2015 by darkjade68

a_beautiful_darkness_by_anikaandaj-d5ph4wlOne

When You See Them…

You Can Not Deny

When You Feel Them

You Are Alive…

Spin Through Air

Eyes Meet Eyes…

Love Will Bloom

Songs Are Sung

By Angels Who Care…

The Coolness Of The Air

And Flapping Of Their Wings…

Why Would You Land

The Sun So Warm

Why Would You Leave…

When Wanting More

dArKjAdE-