Archive for the Psychology Category


Posted in Life, Psychology, Writing with tags , , , , on March 22, 2017 by darkjade68


I Was In Corporate America For A Long Time… Well, A Long Time For Me Anyway 1988-2002 (With A Bit More In 2006)

I Work From Home Now, But My Girlfriend Is Out There… And Some Of The Things She’s Recently Been Dealing With, Took Me Back, And Inspired Me To Write This.

This Is About Employees, And For Employers.

Share It With Whoever You Like… Even Your Boss, lol



 by James Mahoney/DarkJade

Do you care about your employees?

If the answer is no, than they know it.

If the answer is yes, then show it.




In a world of cell phones, laptops, internet, drones, telephones and Emails…

One thing is clear.

Are heads are down, and our minds are closed to what’s around us.

Now is a time when it is harder than ever to make a direct, human connection with someone.

Yes technologically speaking, it’s a small world.

But in reality, it’s still a large one.

We’re locked in a tunnel vision of a sort, to whatever it is we’re focused on…

…be it in our ears, or in our hands.

How many millions of people have been killed, or mamed, because of drivers on cell phones, either talking, or worse, texting.

The numbers are there, even if we can’t/don’t see them.

But this isn’t a lecture…

…this is an illumination of a path that lays right before us.

And all we have to do is unplug, look and listen…

…this is the preface of true direct connection.

Out of our heads…

Into our bodies…

In the moment.



For the sake of story, lets call our boss ‘Sam’.

Sam – “How are you today John?

John – “I’m good sir, thank you.”

This isn’t enough.

Who are these people that work for you?

That work with you?

Sam – “Well, this is John… He works in our IT department.”

Ok, well, that sucks.

Let me rephrase.

“Does this excite you?”

Do you now wish you worked in IT for Sam?

Who is John?

Time for you to find out.



Take your employees to lunch.

Take them in groups, take them in droves, but take them to lunch.

If possible, one on one lunches are the best.

One On One;

  • Find out about their lives before they came here.
  • Find out about their current lives.
  • Find out about theirs hopes and dreams

And don’t fire them if their dreams don’t include working for you.

Keep it Personal, even if they include their career aspirations.

The world doesn’t revolved around the employer.

Never has…

…never will.

Despite the ‘prisons’ they might create.

Have lunch with your Employee (‘s) once ever 6 months (One On One, Or Group If Necessary)

Group Lunches;

  • Fun (Your Boss is taking you to Lunch)
  • Find out where they want to eat (Within Reason)
  • Interact/Make the rounds with each of them, even if it’s just a pat on the shoulder and a hello
  • Ask them to choose somewhere they’d all like to go in 3 months, as a group, with you (Bowling, Laser Tag, The Movies, Miniature Golf Etc.)

Bring Your Employees Lunch;

It’s ok to also bring Lunch in for your Employees…

…but you don’t need to be present for that.

But if you are, it’s probably a good thing.

Bringing lunch in does not replace One On One Lunches, or taking them Out For Lunch.



It is essential that your Employees aren’t answering to self serving/absorbed @#%#@!

Or you can kiss each of them goodbye…

Some might stay and take it, but they will be miserable.

Is that what you want?

Then don’t hire ‘not good’ Managers.

What makes a Good Manager?

Maybe I’ll go into that another time, but this is about the Employee (Employees).



Pull them aside for one on one meetings.

Make sure things are doing ok in their work environment.

Ask them to be honest, their answers will likely directly affect the environment…

…thus making them ‘Co Architects’ of their work happiness.

Ask them how their lives are outside of work.

Check on them.



They are not the only ones that will benefit from this.

Do this every 3 months.

You don’t need to fix their outside lives, but show them you care.

Listen… Learn.

And any information they can tell you that will improve their at work life, well, there you go, you just saved money on getting a Consultant.

They know best what’s up…

…and the quickest route to fix it.



Figure out a way to give Employees an opportunity to make more money…

To grow with the Company.

Don’t keep all the new profits for yourself.

When you walk into your Company, you want to be greeted by ‘Co Creators’.

People who directly affect the success you’re having.

You want ‘Warm Authentic’ smiles coming your way.

Earn them.



Do you care about your Employee (‘s)?

Do you know your Employee (‘s)

Knowing them will make it a whole lot easier to care for them.

Lets begin…




The Psychology Of Trust Issues And How To Overcome Them

Posted in Life, Psychology with tags , on March 22, 2017 by darkjade68




Trust—the act of placing confidence in someone or something other than yourself—is social superglue. It is the binding for the deepest love, the strongest friendships, and the world’s communities. Modern society is built on trust, and in the absence of trust, fear rules.

With this in mind, it is easy to understand how people with trust issues might have difficulty engaging in certain social contexts and leading the most fulfilling life they can. Some of the most common settings in which individuals display a lack of trust are in interpersonal relationships (romantic or otherwise), business dealings, politics, and even the use of technology. And with these different facets of life becoming increasingly interconnected, mistrust could conceivably spread from one part of a person’s life to another.

Where Do Trust Issues Come From?

Trust can take years to develop, but it can be destroyed in an instant. People who have issues with trust have often had significant negative experiences in the past with individuals or organizations they initially deemed trustworthy. For example, studies show that children of divorced parents and those from abusive households are more likely to have intimacy, commitment, and trust issues in future relationships.

While trust issues sometimes develop from negative interactions experienced during early childhood, social rejection during adolescence or traumatic experiences during adulthood can also lead to trust issues for an individual. Betrayal in the form of infidelity in romantic relationships can cause trust issues throughout a person’s life. Significant loss of financial resources or perceived injustice at the hands of authority figures can even cause strong feelings of mistrust toward institutions rather than people. The fragile state of the nation’s economy, for example, has resulted in many people losing trust in the banking system and government organizations.

In short, when a person’s trust is repeatedly violated, his or her belief system can be affected profoundly, causing future concerns with placing trust in people or organizations.

Trust Issues: Psychology and Common Beliefs

A person with trust issues may harbor negative beliefs about trust and may find themselves thinking limiting thoughts, such as:

“I can never let my guard down.”
“If I open up I will only get hurt again.”
“Everybody is out to get me.”

A person with these kinds of thoughts may construct social barriers as a defense mechanism to ensure that trust is not lost again. These barriers are often a person’s way of avoiding the pain, rejection, or guilt associated with mistrust.

A belief system marred by violations of trust can significantly burden an individual both mentally and physically. Overwhelming anxiety and stress can easily become everyday companions, facilitating the gradual erosion of both mind and body. Thankfully though, these shackles need not remain forever.

How to Regain Your Trust

Before any issue can be resolved, you must first recognize that there is an issue. That honest admission will serve as the bedrock for all your endeavors to re-establish trust in others.

Many types of therapy will help people regain the ability to trust others, and, in fact, the therapeutic relationship itself provides an exercise in trust. With a thorough understanding of a person’s initial development and psychology, a qualified mental health professional can help an individual understand where his or her trust issues come from, and develop effective ways to foster trust in relationships, interactions, or institutions. During therapy sessions, sources of mistrust can be identified and properly addressed so that people are able to dispel or cope with future fears. Group therapy for trust issues can also be particularly effective as people undergoing treatment for similar mental health concerns can learn to build trust with the therapist and other members of the group.

Trust is vital for internal harmony and positive social functioning. The ability to effectively trust others helps people live happy, rich lives. As mentioned before, trust is the foundation of most healthy relationships, but sometimes that foundation is shaky because of events in the past. If you’re interested in working through past wounds that shook your trust or increasing your capacity to trust, consider seeking the help of a therapist, spiritual leader, or other qualified mental health professional to begin rebuilding that important foundation.


How To Re-Parent Your Broken Inner Child

Posted in Family, Life, Psychology, Writing with tags , on January 15, 2017 by darkjade68


(The Title Of This Post Comes From An Article I Was Just Reading, Which You Can Find HERE)

It wasn’t until this year, at age 48, that I finally began to consciously feel the fact that my dad left when I was two-ish

More than that, my parents got back together a couple years later and tried again to no avail

At the time he left the second time, I was glad

I remember thinking that they weren’t a good match

Growing up with a single mom was a powerful, amazing thing

Sure, it wasn’t perfect… Mainly because there were times when my brother and I were home alone

But she really loved us, and showed it

But now at 48, a few months after losing my Third Uncle out of Four

I find myself running out of Father-ish figures in my life

My last post was about Leonard Nimoy who I really admired

When he passed, I do believe I lost one of the Men I looked up to/admired to in my life

And it affected me a lot

But after losing this Third Uncle, who I really didn’t see very much during my life

But got along well with, and always kinda knew he was out there

I’ve hit a point that I think I have some healing to do in this area

Growing up without my Dad around, I always felt I adapted, as humans can do to a degree, and thus didn’t really need one

My mom has been with her Boyfriend for the last 39 years

And he and I are very close

But she told him, and any men she dated right from the start, not to parent us

And so, though I admire her boyfriend very much

He generally never Fathered me

On a Creative and Spiritual Level during the last 15 years, I’ve had a lot of growth

But in other ways, I’ve had some difficult things I’ve been dealing with

Namely some Anxiety issues

And though I had some serious breakthroughs last year

By the end of October last year, I found myself having to deal with them more again

Mainly, I suspect, due to several very stressful situations that were going on

Including losing my Uncle

I’ve been giving myself time to Heal…

And I have Healed greatly

But, like I say, just during this first part of the year I’ve come to realize more and more how much not having an emotional available father in my life is

I have had my Dad in my life my whole life…

But it’s a certain kind of relationship

One where we love, and like one another

But also one where I don’t feel he really knows me all that well

And now he’s 77, and I really don’t feel there’s any point in trying to convey this to him

He’s battling with being older I feel

And is doing the best he can

I used to call him every week or two, just to keep in touch

But that has become harder recently


The pain I’ve been feeling is very real in regards to all of this

And I am doing the best I can to cope, heal, and grow

Thanks for Reading/Listening

Hopefully some of you out there can relate




Posted in Life, Psychology, Writing with tags on January 3, 2017 by darkjade68

Good Article, Thought I’d Share It 



Abandonment fears typically stem from childhood loss, such as the loss of a parent through death or divorce, but they can also result from inadequate physical or emotional care. These early-childhood experiences can lead to a fear of being abandoned by the significant people in one’s adult life.

Some degree of abandonment fear may be a normal part of being human, but when the fear of abandonment is severe, frequent, and difficult to ease, it can cause significant impairment, particularly with regard to the development of healthy relationships. When this is the case, the support of a therapist or counselor may be recommended.

Understanding Abandonment

Healthy development requires adequate physical and emotional care, and unmet needs can result in feelings of abandonment. Sometimes experiences of abandonment can constitute a traumatic event in a person’s life. The death of a parent can be a traumatic event for a child, as can the inability to feel safe due to threatening circumstances such as physical or sexual abuse or the lack of adequate shelter.

A pattern of emotional neglect can be traumatic and may also qualify as a form of abandonment. Emotional neglect can occur when children are raised by parents who stifle their children’s emotional expression, ridicule them, or hold them to unreasonably high standards, or when parents rely too heavily on children for their own sense of worth or treat them as peers.

Adults who did not experience abandonment as children may still be challenged by feelings associated with abandonment if they lose an intimate partner to separation, divorce, or death. Whether an act of abandonment occurs in childhood or adulthood, the impact can be pervasive, negatively affecting every relationship developed in a person’s life, whether those relationships are intimate, social, or professional.

Psychological Concerns Related to Abandonment

A person who has experienced abandonment is often more likely to encounter long-term psychological challenges. These concerns are typically based primarily on the fear that abandonment will recur. A child who was physically abandoned by a parent or caregiver may struggle with mood swings or anger throughout life, and these behaviors may alienate potential intimate partners and friends. When a child does not receive adequate emotional support from a parent, perhaps due to the parent’s own psychological issues, the child may not develop healthy self-esteem.

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Abandonment fears can impair a person’s ability to trust others, feel worthy, or experience intimacy. They may lead a person to experience anxiety, depression, codependence, or other difficulties. A person who lacks self-esteem as a result of childhood abandonment may gravitate toward romantic partners and friends who reinforce those negative beliefs.

Addressing Feelings of Abandonment in Therapy

Many people pursue therapy in order to address issues resulting from experiences of abandonment. In the process of addressing a person’s present psychological problem, therapy may reveal the source of the issue to be trauma associated with childhood abandonment.

A therapist or counselor can often help a person learn to separate fears of the past from the reality of the present. It may be possible for individuals to achieve cognitive transformation through this process and thus develop more positive reactions and realistic expectations for their lives. When individuals are able to recognize their fears are rooted in the past, they can often begin to develop the ability to minimize the way fear controls their emotional responses to current relationships and events and achieve healing from past experiences.

Many types of therapy, from eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) to dialectical behavior therapy, can address abandonment issues. Psychotherapy for abandonment often focuses on helping a person address and tend, in a self-compassionate way, to the parts of the self holding on to the memories and feelings associated with abandonment trauma. This form of self-exploration might include distinguishing the vulnerable, helpless child of the past from the stronger, more capable adult. Simply pursuing treatment with an attentive, empathic therapist can often help soothe a person’s abandonment fears.

Abandonment issues can be overwhelming, but individuals challenged by these fears can frequently learn to manage them in ways that are healthy and productive. Methods of addressing and overcoming abandonment issues might include:

  • Exploring ways to care for the self
  • Developing the ability to access a safe and calm “center” when fears threaten one’s sense of safety or security
  • Learning to successfully communicate needs in intimate relationships
  • Building a sense of trust in others