Only took 46 years to figure that one out
As I sit here in the mist of a rebirth into a larger life
I’ve come to the realization that I could have really used a dad in my life
Don’t get me wrong, my biological father is still around
And he is a great man
But he wasn’t around when I was a kid (the same house that is), and in his case, it was better for me
Because he was a bit lost
Also, I did grow up around a great man, that being my mom’s boyfriend
But he’s only been a dad in a kinda of learn by example kind of way
Meaning, he wasn’t allowed to parent us, per my mom’s wishes
No other men were
But because he’s such a great, and amazing man, there was a very profound affect on me growing up around him
Still
This isn’t what I’m talking about
When I think now of what I would have liked a father to be
I would have liked a man who spent time with me
Talked to me… Showed things to me
Loved, and got to know me
Someone I could emmulate
Though I do emulate aspects from both my Dad, and my mom’s boyfriend
I think I would have liked to have a father like me
I love kids, I always have
And I’ve always spoke, and listened to them as though they are people
Not just little monsters that make too much noise in restaurants
I also realize, that they are not adults… And so look to you for guidance
Be it directly, or through osmosis
As I breakthrough this current situation in my life
And look to grow and expand my life again
I find myself wishing that I had a dad that would take my arm as I make it to my feet
Dust off my shoulders
And take a walk with me
But not just now, I wish I had always had that
I draw a lot of my strength from who I am
And from my mother
Who is an amazing woman
But she could have used having her father around a bit longer as well
He passed soon after I was born
In the end, we have to parent ourselves
And that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing my whole life
But still
in moments like this
I could use a boost
(found out a few years back that my dad and I share favorite beatle albums)
DarkJade-
PICTURE CREDIT – Father & Son