Maverick… What I’ve Learned So Far
Maverick… What I’ve Learned So Far
DIVORCE
My First Memories As A Kid Were In A House Other Than The One I Spent The Majority Of My Childhood In… I Remember A Birthday Party, Where I Was Being Sung To, As I Shyly Face And Stomach Down Laid Upon A Large Beach Ball…
I Remember My Walk To Kindergarten On Day One Scaring The Living Daylights Out Of Me
Separating From My Mom
I Remember Sitting On Top Of A Red Ant Hill… Which Hurt, lol
I Remember Our Neighbors Turtle
I Remember Eating Paste In School, Followed By 2 Milks And 2 Cookies (When We Were Only Allowed 1 Of Each), Getting Sick, And Being Walked To The Nurse By The Girl I Had A Crush On
Somewhere In There I Determined That Someday I Wanted To Find The ‘One’… Crazy Little Romantic Kid I Guess
I Don’t Have Any Memories Of My Dad, Or My Sisters At That House… Only My Mom Walking Me To School, And/Or The One Time In My Life She Hit Me, Causing My Nose To Bleed, Which Freaked Me Out As I Thought My Face Was Bleeding, lol
Bad Day For Mom, As She Is Definitely Not The Type Of Person Who Hit Her Kids
I Have Vague Memories Of My 15 Month Younger Brother… Playing One Of Those Hockey Games… I Remember Making A Jekyll And Hide Model… With A Crazy Mutant Rabbit Who Had Gone All ‘Hyde’
Apparently My Mom And Dad Separated At This House At Some Point… But I Don’t Remember Any Of That
CHILDHOOD
Then We Moved To An Amazing Canyon Area, Where My Dad And Mom Gave It A Go Again…
But That Didn’t Work, And I Was Glad He Left… Even At The Age Of 5, I Didn’t Think They Were A Good Match
Beyond That, My Memories Of My First Older Sister, Were Her Being Upset A Lot… At Us Sometimes, For Using Her Stuffed Animals When She Wasn’t Home, But Mostly She Seemed Upset At Mom… Either Way, She Wasn’t Around Much
And My Eldest Sister, I’m Not Sure I Have Any Memories Of Her Being Home At All… She Met A Boy In High School, And Stayed With Him For 15 Or So Years
And So It Was My Brother, My Mom And I Growing Up… As Well As My Mom’s Boyfriend, Who Is Still With Her Till This Day
Mom Was Sad A Lot, But Did Lots Of Therapy, And Worked Hard To Keep Us Fed And Safe…
Dad Paid Child Support, And Alimony, But For The Most Part When He’d Come Take Us To Dinner, He Would Just Tell Us We Should Go To School… As My Brother And I Missed A Lot Of It
So Much So, That Each Of Us Stayed Back Grades Purely Because Of Attendance
But Beyond The Sadness That We All Felt, And Beyond The Torturous Days At School…
My Brother And I Had An Immensely Imaginative Childhood
We Literally Played Hundreds, And Hundreds, And Hundreds Of Hours Of First Stuffed Animals, Then Little Men, Then Action Figures All The Way Through The Ages Of 12-14, Or Something Like That
STAR WARS
In 1977 We Saw The First “Star Wars” Film, And Both Of Our Lives Were Changed… Followed Up By “The Empire Strikes Back” In 1980
At This Point I Realized Somewhere Inside Me, I Wanted To Be A Director/Filmmaker
GROWING UP
When I Was 15, I Was Beyond Depressed… And The One Thing That Really Gave Me Much Of Any Happiness, Playing With My Brother, Had Faded To A Degree, As We Were Becoming Teenagers, And Instead We Fought More Than Ever…
That Coupled With The Last Year Of Junior High, Which Was Horrid, And I Decided To Make A Change
Dad Had Offered Us To Live With Him In Arizona (Where He Had Remarried) For Several Years, And My Brother Kept Saying He Was Going To, Then Backing Out
So When Dad Brought It Up When I was 15, In Addition To My Brother Saying He’d Like To Go Again, For The First Time, I Said I’d Like To Go
We Had A Family Therapy Session With My Mom’s Counselor, And Decided That I Would Go, Since I Had Never Shown Any Interest Before
This Was The Year That My Brother And I Got The Opportunity To Separate, And Come Into Our Own
He Became Stylish, And Cool… Dying His Hair, Buying ‘New Wave’ Clothing…
And I Started To Stop Hating My Looks, And Instead Accept Them, Go To School, And Suck Up All The Structure Around Me, As My Mom’s House Was Kind Of Rule/Structure-less
But At The End Of 9th Grade, Which I Was In At My Dads, I Missed My Mom, My Brother And My Mom’s Boyfriend, So I Moved Back Home
THE NUMBNESS
Sadly, From The Age Of 17 To Really The Age Of 28 I Was Pretty Numb
I Got A Job At 22 That Ended Up Leading To Making A Good Living, But I Also Decided To Begin Pursuing My Passion For Directing/Film Making, Only To Be Given An Ultimatum By The Person I Was Involved With, Who Was The First Person I Had Really Been In A Relationship With
She Basically Said If I Pursued Anything In The Film Industry, She’d Leave
And So Being Inexperienced As I Was In Love, And Life, I Agreed
And Thus From 22-28 I Went Further And Further Into A Kind Of Grey Numbness
The Relationship Died, And My Passion Was Displaced
LIBERTY OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT 1998
In 1997 I Joined A Production Of “Hamlet”, And Found Passion Again
Sadly, While I Was At Rehearsals, The Person I Was With Was Beginning A Long Distance Relationship, Unbeknownst To Me Of Course
And In 1998, She Moved Out, And Suddenly, I Was Free
First I Purchased An Electric Guitar, And Began A Band With One Of My “Hamlet” Cast Members…
But Within 9 Months, I Decided To Walk Away From The Decent Paying Corporate America Job, And Finally Pursue My Greatest Passion…
FILM MAKING
In 2000, I Moved To Eugene Oregon, Where My Brother Was Living With His First Born Boy, And His Wife
During The 7 Months Being There, I Purchased A Hi-8 Video Camera, And Began Writing/Directing & Producing Many Experimental Film/Video Projects
This Is When I Realized I Wasn’t Just A Director, I Was Also A Writer
In July 2000 I Moved Back To California, Where I Wrote And Developed A Sci-Fi Teleplay (Television Screenplay), But My Bro Talked Me Into Moving Back To Eugene Oregon To Work On Short Films… And So I Moved Back
Sadly, His Marriage Was Falling Apart, And He Wasn’t Really Available To Pursue Projects With Me
In A Last Ditch Effort, Prior To Him Moving From Oregon Just 3 Months After I Got There, I Wrote, Shot And Edited My First Short Film
“If Not Now…”
Keep In Mind, I Shot This In An Hour And A Half, So It’s A Bit Rough… But Overall I Was Happy With It, And So Submitted It To A New York International Independent Film Festival, And Got It In
During This Time I Also Wrote A Play (My First), As Well As A First Draft Of A Feature Film Screenplay (White Jade)
Soon My Bro Would Move Out Of State For A Better Job, And I Was Left With The Need To Move Back To California
Though That Situation Became Very Difficult, It Was A Bit Fruitful In Regards To My Film Making And Writing…
In September Of 2002 I Flew With My Dad To New York For The Film Festival, And Saw My Short Film Up On A Big Screen
It Changed Me Completely…
I Was A Filmmaker
TRAUMA
Sadly In November Of 2002, I Got Very Sick (Had A Flu For Over A Month), And That, Coupled With The Fact That I Had Gotten Off Some Important Medicine Due To Being Broke And Insurance-less, Lead To Me Ending Up In A Hospital For 10 Days
My Heart Had Gotten Very Weak, Which Lead Me To Having A Device Implanted Called A Defibrillator, With The Purpose Of Protecting Me…
Sadly, After Having A Heart Doctor Flip Out During A Visit, I Stopped Going To See Him… And Thus Didn’t Realize That I Needed Regular Visits To Adjust The Defibrillator
In 2003 My Health Returned To Me, And I Started To Develop My Next Film In Arizona Whilst Living With My Musician Step Brother
Sadly Once Again, Because My Heart Got Stronger, It Caused The Defibrillator To Zap Me (Kind Of Like Those Paramedic Paddles) 8 Times In A 24 Hour Period, Which Completely Traumatized Me… It’s Because, As It Turned Out, I Was Supposed To Be Having The Defibrulator Adjusted As My Heart Got Stronger, So That It Wouldn’t Do That…
And I’ve Been Dealing With Varying Degrees Of Anxiety Ever Since
ANXIETY
From 2003 Up Until Now, I’ve Been Dealing With What Appears To Have Been A Degree Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Maybe Not Quite Like The People Who Have Seen Military Action, But Still
From 2003 To 2008, I Was Always Afraid That The Defibrillator Was Going To Zap Me…
Which Made My Quality Of Life Not So Good… I Was Very Stressed When I’d Go Out… Always Taking My Pulse
And Then The Battery In The Device Finally Died (My Heart Is Strong, So I Decided Not To Replace The Battery)… But Instead Of Being Set Free From The Fear Of Being Zapped, I Had Then Developed A Fear Of Anxiety Itself
And That’s What I’ve Been Dealing With Since
In 2004 I Lived With My Brother In His New Location For A Few Months, But Kept Having Anxiety Attacks
And So I Basically Stayed In For The Most Part From 2004-2010
During This Time I Became A New York Yankee Fan (Playing Baseball Was My Earliest Dream, But Never Pursued It)
Familiarized Myself With Old Movies (Classics, Not Current)
Reconnected With Music (When I Was 16 Was The Only Time I Really Owned Much Music)
And Played 5 Years Of World Of Warcraft, lol
In 2010 I Finally Started To Go Out Some, But Was Still Stressed
And In 2011 I Started This Blog, And Began Developing My Creative Writing
WRITING
On This Blog I Wrote Poetry, Blog Stories (Episode-ic), Fantasy Novels, Novellas And Much More
In 2012 I Self Published An 8 Page Partial Comic Book Based On My “White Jade” Screenplay, Which I Wrote Back In 2002 (First Draft), And Completed In 2004-5
I Also Self Published A Poetry Book
“Winter, Lust, And Wonder” Printed Version @ Amazon
&
As Well As My First Novella
“I Died Once” Printed Version @ Amazon
&
My Follow Up Novella “Mady’s Storm” Though Originally Written During That Time, Was Edited And Self Published At The End Of Last Year
“Mady’s Storm” Printed @ Amazon
But After A Year And A Half Of Writing, I Needed A Break, And Decided It Was Time To Try Integrate My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Into My Day To Day Life…
Instead Of Not Talking To Anyone About It/Avoiding It
LOVE
That’s When I Met My Soon To Be Best Friend Online, And A Couple Years Later, We Got Together
LEGENDS PRODUCTIONS
And At The End Of Last Year I Decided To Return To Film Making Via YouTube (It’s Inexpensive And Accessible)
Enter, “Legends Productions” My YouTube Video/Film Production Company
Twitter @LegendsProd
INSTAGRAM @legendsproductions
& Email jameslegendsproductions@gmail.com
And After That Came
WHITE JADE WEB SERIES
Twitter @WhiteJadeSeries
INSTAGRAM @whitejadewebseries
whitejadewebseries@gmail.com
“White Jade” Constructing A Vision Video
Which Is Currently In PreProduction
GOING OUT
About A Month Or So Ago, I Started Going Out 3 or 4 Times A Week
I’m Not 100% At All, But At Least I’m Not Home All Of The Time
WHAT I’VE LEARNED SO FAR
1 – Follow Your Dreams If At All Possible
2 – Follow Your Heart
3 – Don’t Take Time Or People For Granted
4 – Life Is Long But Every Moment Is Precious
5 – Don’t Waste Time Or Energy On Regret
6 – Do The Things You Love
7 – Be With The People You Love
8 – Get Counselling If You Need It (Change, Breaking Patterns, And Forgiveness Whether Of Others Or Yourself Can Be Very Difficult, And Paralyze You In Life)
9 – Do What Makes You Happy, Not What Others Think You Should Do
10 – Strive For Balance In All Things
11 – Don’t Be A Victim (Of Your Past, Or Present… This Includes People, And/Or Situations That Make You Feel Like One)
12 – This Is Your One Life As This Person… Rebirths Or Not… Embrace Who And What You Are Now
13 – Remember To Breath (Many People Hardly Breath, Pay Attention To How You’re Breathing… It Will Bring You Better Health, And More Peace In Your Life)
14 – Be In A Healthy Environment (This Includes Where You Go, Work, Live… And Who You Have Around You)
15 – Live One Day At A Time (Planning And/Or Goals Are Helpful, But Spend Most Of Your Time Being In The Present With Life… With Yourself… And With Those That You Love)
16 – Depression Means You’re Living In The Past… Anxiety Means You’re Living In The Future… Be In The Present
17 – Age Is Just A Number… Quit Finding Things To Use As Excuses For Not Growing And/Or Progressing As A Person… You’re Missing Out On A Lot
18 – Family Is Huge… Whether It’s The People You Were Born Into… Or The Family That You Create Along The Way Via Friends Etc.
19 – Love Of Course Is The Answer, lol
Thanks For Listening
dArKjAdE-
The Written Word 
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